Trying to get back into the swing of writing is like trying to fall in love with music after a sabbatical with silence. It’s tough and you feel dumb trying to put words to paper.
This is particularly hard when my chosen career path insists on writing constantly. It’s so easy to create when you’re feeling great and the world is singing around you, but what about when the world is spinning and you’re trying not to let it spin you out of control?
I struggle with times of feeling insanely inadequate and I end up falling into a dark hole of emotions. Fueled by my anxieties and natural hormones, it’s hard to bring myself out of the abyss and enjoy life. Sometimes calling my mom doesn’t even help, and that’s when you know things aren’t good.
But I’m lucky that I have a mental state that can be resilient and propel me back into the present moment where everything is okay. I haven’t always been able to bounce back so quickly, but I’m thankful for every day the universe allows me to travel back to tranquility.
When I’m in the stage of coming back to life, I think about that beautiful scene at the end Perks of Being a Wallflower, where Logan Lerman’s character stands up in the back of the pick-up truck while ‘Heroes’ by David Bowie plays from the stereo.
NOTE: I command you to stop reading and watch this scene in order to fully understand the magnitude and impact it has. I linked it for you here so you have no excuse.
So what does it mean to feel infinite?
I think it’s what Charlie was saying in his letter. Listening to an amazing song with your favorite people and feeling the world all around you, embracing you and whispering into your soul that “everything is going to be okay.”
When you’re growing into your own sense of self, it’s easy to get lost in the noise of your surroundings, and you can get lost without even knowing it. But it’s these detours that guide you to purpose and hope.
For some people, their creativity is born through tragedy and emotion. I haven’t quite found strength in my sadness, and because of this, my Blue Period is just a folder full of unfinished posts and a lot of time in the comfort of my own mind. When I emerge from my place of darkness, I try to look for the things that bring me joy and the ones that make me want to create again. I try to observe the world around me and put into words the importance of it’s existence.
Like feeling a cool breeze against my face as it carelessly flips a page of my book on a warm summer morning. The same breeze that carries the noises of nature around my spot on the front porch, serenading me with a symphony of insects playing in tandem with the melodies of song birds. Hearing a lawnmower sputter to life as it begins to trim the grass of the yard beside me, filling the air with the sweet and earthy smell of summer. Or the ice in my drink as it clanks against the glass with condensation making patterns on the side, while everything begins to warm up as the world wakes up for another day.
It’s these moments that I focus on. It’s theses infinite moments that I use to find beauty and simplicity in the every day.
So, my friends, listen to a really good playlist, watch your favorite movie, read your favorite book and spend time with your most important people. Infinite feelings are answers to desperate calls that allow us to keep moving forward. Find your infinity.